Captain America officially opens Friday and word has it there’s a trailer for the Avengers at the end, which you may have seen online in all its poorly lit, pirated glory. While the movie promises to be the biggest damn thing in the history of comic book movies to date (and that includes the two kick ass Swamp Thing movies from the 80’s) there’s still some important decisions that have to go into making sure it doesn’t tank like so much Howard the Duck. And that means making sure a handful of Avengers are scheduled to be out of town during filming. Fact is, not everyone on the team’s roster is as cool as the Hulk or Iron Man, but they do make good movie trivia fodder. And no, we will not mention anyone from the Great Lakes Avengers, because those clowns don’t count.
D-Man
Are you familiar with D-Man? Of course not. D-Bag perhaps is a better name, but D-Man (aka Demolition Man) was a second string Avenger who, quite on purpose, looked like the bastard love child of Daredevil and Wolverine. Why? Because they were both epically more popular than this jobber could ever be and D-Bag’s parents couldn’t be bothered to give a shit either way what he wore outside.
B-Man’s powers consist of the standard mix of uncreative powers that literally every lazy character has – super strength, speed and stamina, but with the added bonus of a mild drug addiction and a heart condition. Because who cares why.
In the books, after working with him on some cockamamie scheme in the past, Captain America invites D-Bag to be the first new Avenger after the old team disbands. Then he promptly blows up in a plane crash. But fear not, because much later he does return, apparently have suffered a mental breakdown and bunking with Eskimos. Avengers, ho!
Two Gun Kid
If there’s one thing modern comics don’t have enough of it’s novelty cowboys. Like, the X-men are cool and all, but wouldn’t Iceman have been way more awesome if, instead of being able to freeze things, he wore a blue cowboy hat and a red neckerchief and his superpowers consisted of no actual superpowers whatsoever, but he was really good with a lasso? No? Huh.